


Reflections

by Finnlay, Nausi



Series: Change the Game [2]
Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexuality, Bonding, Earth - 4214, F/F, Family Dynamics, Friendship, Gen, Homosexuality, Implied/Referenced Eating Disorders, M/M, Sex Education, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-03-11 13:50:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13525599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finnlay/pseuds/Finnlay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nausi/pseuds/Nausi
Summary: A collection of small chapters that belong to "The Devil you know" but aren't part of the main-story.





	1. Self Education

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written by Nausi and beta'd by Finnlay. It takes place between chapter 8 and 9 of The Devil you Know.

“Oh man you’re back!” 

_♫ Do they smoke grass out in space man, or do they smoke Astroturf? ♫_

Bobby quickly turned the music off and looked over his shoulder at the micro him standing in his doorway. It was still weird to see a version of himself at around fifteen years old that was not painfully awkward. “Yeah I just got in about an hour ago. I didn’t know you were in the school.”

“Why’d you turn off the music?” He came in and closed the door behind him. Older him was sitting at his desk with a book taking notes. _Must be planning a class._

“Oh uh … embarrassed? Most people around here think Flight of the Conchords is a stupid joke band.” He shrugged and wondered what was going on. He liked the young him a lot, but normally they only met up when Bobby needed something. 

“Oh wait, are they like, a comedy band or something?”

“Yeah, uh Sugar lumps is a song you might like, or uh, the Humans are Dead.” He smirked and watched as the interest in those young eyes bloomed.

“Okay, that sounds rad. You’ve gotta send me a playlist of your favorite songs.”

“I can do that.”

“Great.”

“Yeah it’ll be fun.”

“Cool.”

And then, as though they’d both run out of steam at the same time they just stood there staring at each other. Bobby wondered what was going on with his mini-me. _Guess all the awkward isn’t gone._ After a moment he cleared his throat and arched a brow, “So uh … seemed like you were excited I made it back. Did you just miss me or was there a reason you made it here before Kitty or Kurt?”

As the the boy’s eyes shot down, and his cheeks colored Bobby wondered again what could possibly be going on. “I uh … I wanted - well you know you’re older and you’ve got all this experience. Like most of it isn’t with guys, but you know I don’t know what you did with those ladies, maybe you know some stuff first hand even, and I … I mean you don’t have to tell me if pegging was involved but like I really need to ask someone -”

“Whoa, slow down there speedy, let’s take this one step at a time.” Bobby was blushing and feeling less than perfectly comfortable himself. The book on his desk suddenly felt conspicuous and he wondered if Mini-me could see over his shoulder to the notes he was taking. “You wanna talk to someone about sex? I think this might be a job for Remy -”

“He isn’t here and even if he was … well I wanted to talk to you because …” Bobby shifted and cleared his throat nervously, “... I trust you.”

With a long sigh Bobby turned back to his desk, put his bookmark in place, and then held up what he was reading for the younger him to see. 

He beheld the black book with it’s colorful and whimsical rainbow people zipper illustration with wide eyes, “Guide to getting it on? What … are you studying sex and taking notes?” 

“Yeah, I liked the cover on this one, grabbed it from our library here, think Ro or Remy picked it up, I don’t remember, I just know a few other people got their panties in a twist about letting teens have access to it.” He shrugged and then nodded to the bed. “Let’s sit down and uh … have a talk.”

Once they were settled he handed the book to Mini-me and watched as he started to flip through the pages.

“Oh what! There’s drawings! Okay what and like letter colloms and this like … this is like a sex bible!”

“Yeah, I … the trip to LA was sort of great and it left me needing to do some serious research.” Bobby shook his head and sighed thinking of Judah.

There was a little chuckle and then an elbow to his ribs, “Hey I know that look, you’re in love.”

“I’m not in love, I just … I met someone with good taste in shoes and bad taste in men.”

“... really now?”

“Yeah he’s … he’s a freelance writer and he’s spontaneous and … friendly.” _Amazing eyes and such kissable lips._

“You’re telling me you aren’t in love but you’re making this face. I make that face.” _Maybe Romeo wouldn’t have stopped calling if I understood some of this …_

“Love takes time. I’m doing better than in the past, I like him as a person _and_ I’m honestly attracted to him. Also, so far as I know he isn’t secretly or openly a super villain, so guy has that going for him.”

“What’s his name?”

Bobby pulled up a picture on his phone of he and Judah snuggling and showed that to Mini-me, “Judah. He’s pretty.”

Looking at the picture Bobby was struck right away by several things, “We might sort of have a type.” He blushed and pulled out his phone to bring up a picture of Romeo just in case the older him had forgot what Romeo looked like. 

“Oh crap maybe, nice tan, dark hair, pretty eyes …” Bobby shook his head and sighed, “Yeah.” He thought of the other men he’d been attracted to and the only blond was Warren and that hardly counted Warren was offensively good looking. There was Daken, with his tan, his pouty lips, and ebony hair. _He has gorgeous eyes too._ It unsettled him to think of the morally ambiguous brother of Laura that way, but there it was all the same. The asshole was good looking. It was nice that Mini-me was there and not thinking about Daken at all. 

“Yeah I think we do.” He chuckled and looked back to the book. “So uh … have you ever done any … you know butt stuff?” His cheeks felt hot but that wasn’t about to stop him, not now, not with he was so close to all the answers he needed. All the things he’d found online seemed contradictory and totally impossible. It couldn’t all be true and he didn’t know what to believe.

“Oh, alright, directly to the anal play. Well I guess you and Romeo have been dating for awhile but you’re still pretty young.” The look that got him was withering. All he could do was hold up his hands and chuckle nervously, “Wow okay calm down.” Bobby sighed and shook his head, “Promise that whatever you do there will be condoms. It’s important to protect yourself and your partner okay? I don’t know if we can heal STIs the same way we can shake off holes to the chest and what not, I’ve never tried, so just … be careful alright?”

He sighed and nodded, “I already had that series of shots from Hank, you know the HPV vaccine series.”

“Yeah I know and I’m really glad that you did that. It’s important.” He ruffled Mini-me’s hair and grinned, “So condoms, you promise?”

“Yeah, yeah for sure condoms and like dental dams and stuff like that. Safer sex, I’ll totally insist on safer sex no matter what, I promise.” It was embarrassing but saying it helped in a weird way. It made Bobby feel like when the time came he’d already know where he stood. 

There was no putting it off. This was a real conversation that he was about to have with another person, but it was himself. Bobby couldn’’t remember being this Bobby but they had at least fifteen years of identical experience, and he knew what it was like to be this kid. This kid was braver than he’d ever been though. _Maybe getting out from under Xavier was better for me than I ever imagined._ That thought stung, it reminded him that Scott had been right, and that every time he’d turned his back on his friend, his brother, he’d been wrong. With a deep breath he pushed those things aside and addressed the issues at hand. “Look anal sex isn’t … it’s a lot of work and you can feel close to someone without having to go there. Oral sex, with a condom, is a lot less work and a lot safer. It takes a lot of trust and can be very intimate -” Bobby paused and blinked, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” His face was hot.

“Like I’ve got six heads.”

The words hitched and caught in his throat for a moment as he tried to find the right way to ask, to express his thoughts, “Look, I just … it sounds like you’ve had anal sex and I … you hadn’t even come out till we talked and -”

“You can have anal sex with a woman. You’re the one who suggested I might have tried pegging -”

“- I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt man, I … I didn’t think … I mean who?”

“Raven Darkholme she … well she can sort of do whatever she wants with her body and when she heard I was okay with being fingered -”

“Miss Pryde fingered you!”

The silence in the room was thick and heavy like a wool sweater blistering summer day. Bobby struggled through it and answered as calmly as he could with his voice creeking, “No. Not her. You haven’t met the woman I … look it’s not important Casa-frost-anova.”

“Dude that’s bad, don’t … that’s just a bad nickname.”

“Well don’t start making assumptions about who has put what in my ass and I will stick to tried and true nicknames for you Micro-frosty.” He lifted his brows and cocked his head.

“Man, out of context that would be a great quote. Like that needs to be one of those captions for the bad lip reading meme things on tumblr.”

“You’re just trying to get me to relax and come on, you can’t play a player kiddo.”

With a sigh he shrugged, “I had to try. It’s sort of … I mean it’s weird to think about dating all these people I’m not into because I … what was the plan … wish the gay away?”

“Yeah, I kept looking for women that I connected with emotionally, people I thought I understood, people I thought I could love, and I did, damn I loved a few of them, but that’s … love gets screwed up when you’re lying to yourself about who you are my man. I was never honest with myself so I couldn’t be honest with them. It … it ruined friendships. I still wonder to this day how different things could have been. Not like, not about what guy I’d be seeing but like Opal and I could be like, we could be tight. Things wouldn’t be weird between Alex, Lorna, and I because I wouldn’t have gone there. It … it would all be so different.” Bobby ran a hand over his face and sighed.

After a moment he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and he almost laughed. Mini-me was comforting. Bobby leaned into the contact and just accepted it for what it was. This was a total mind screw. This kid was him, and he was this kid, but they were seperate people with individual experiences. Bobby felt like this guy was sort of his kid brother, something he’d always wanted growing up. As the moment stretched on he licked his lips and tried to speak, “Just … use a condom and don’t use silicone lube if you’re using silicone based condoms okay? Water based, reapply often.”

“Uh … that’s good advice but like … doesn’t it hurt? And doesn’t it smell? I mean, it’s an anus?!”

“Well whoever wants to bottom needs to be well hydrated and not eat a bunch of junk for a few days before hand. That way you can take a dump and a good shower before hand -”

“So you can’t really be spontaneous?”

“You can but there’s going to be more uh … mess.”

After a moment of thoughtful silence he asked, “Did you do it with Judah? Did you … make love?”

With a low groan he flopped back on the bed. “I just met him! You don’t make love to someone you don’t know. We … we had fun and no, no we didn’t have uh … anal sex. Like I said before, there’s otherways. There was a lot of touching and kissing.” Bobby was red in the face. The morning after his old Champions team mates had tried to get him to talk and he’d been able to play it cool. To avoid all the questions. This was different though. This was Mini-me, this was his kid brother. “We got down to our underwear and then we just … we just touched each other and moved and it was … it was really, really good.” Bobby blushed and chuckled when younger him flopped down beside him all wide eyed.

“It sounds romantic. All that touching and kissing.”

With a short nod he answered, “Yeah, yeah it was. I didn’t have any idea that Netflix and Chill could be something like that. I didn’t know that being intimate with someone could be so … so fun.” 

It took him a moment to find his voice as he watched the older him relive that moment. “I am so happy you came out with me. No one’s been able to question it, to second guess me because you’ve been with me and … and the look you just got on your face … even if I go back and I forget all of this, you’ll remember and …” His throat closed off on him it was his turn to hide his face.

“Yeah little guy, I get it.” Bobby wrapped his arms around the teen and held him close. _I got you, and you’ve got me. We’ll figure this gay stuff out together, and it’s going to be freaking fabulous._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Buy the book](https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-Paul-Joannides/dp/1885535333/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=V7PVR4W5M64KN4X0YBBY)


	2. Night Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Logan struggles to cope with the pace of the world, Jean tries to come to terms with being alive again. They meet under the night sky for a little talk with big effects.
> 
> **Bonus Chapter!**  
>  After [The Devil you know #33](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13361640/chapters/34619723) and before #34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Additional Tags:** Bonding, Friendship, Guilt, Parenting, Bisexuality
> 
> [Visit Finnlay's Tumblr](https://sniktice.tumblr.com/)  
>  [Visit Nausi's Tumblr](https://nausiwindstrider.tumblr.com/)

Daken had gone, Daken had returned. The world had been flipped on its head. Jean was alive, the Phoenix had been beaten back. And Scott Summers was alive _somewhere_. Now they were home, not even a full day, and before they had even made it back to New York, before they’d left the damn canyon there was another task, another mystery; Where was Scott Summers? Logan tried to wrap his mind around it, the pattern of events, the flow of it all. He felt almost as if he was drowning, as if he just needed a moment to catch. But time did not wait, it never stood still. Not for anyone, not even for speedsters. Events kept racing on but Logan couldn’t pull his head out of the past. His evening walk through the school grounds wasn’t helping either. This wasn’t where he wanted to be. The places he wanted were gone, dead, buried. The scent of garbage and cars drifted through the trees. City smells. Logan looked up through the long reaching branches and wondered if it was all worth it. The starless sky looked back at him without answers. The lonely moon glared down accusingly. Logan shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to clear his mind as she approached. “Hello Jeanie.”

With a soft chuckle she touched down on the ground and smiled at the brooding man. Some things never changed. “Hello Logan.” Brushing her hands through her long, deep red hair she looked up at the sky above them and made a thoughtful sound, “What brings you out here to brood by yourself?”

After all this time she was still startlingly beautiful. Jean and Warren had always been like that, two bright stars that made everyone else around them look like hunks of unrefined coal. Logan had always felt a bit out of place around her, and at the same time drawn like a moth to her flame. Jean’s beauty, her poise, her resolve, it called to him. Somehow it was different now, Logan could not quite place it, or understand what he was feeling, but he could recognize that there had been a shift. “Felt too close in there. Figured I’d take a walk with the stars.” He shrugged and then pointed up, “S’all I got is that fat lug up there alone to look at.”

“You don’t enjoy our new location.” Jean chuckled softly and looked around them, “It is ...different yes. Unexpected. So much of what has changed makes me wonder if I’ll ever catch up. So the location swap is the easiest thing to cope with. I do miss the quiet and peace of Westchester though.”

“It smelled better in Westchester. New York’s gone rotten.” Logan curled his lip and tried to write his mood off to unfulfilled nostalgia. He tried to make himself believe it.

“The world has.” There was a look in her eyes then, something knowing and filled with sadness. “I can feel suffering all around us. It was always there, for as long as I remember, but this is new. It feels different and the little bright spots are fewer than they used to be.”

“Yeah.” Logan licked his lips and sighed, “Jeanie, I’m real sorry, about everything but most - well. I’m sure Bobby and Hank have told you things. Both o’ them are talkers. It’s all true and I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise. It all got away from me.”

“My husband … Scott was always a stubborn man. There was nothing you could do about him becoming obsessed, not after …” Jean trailed off and then closed her eyes, “Bobby showed me, what happened on M-Day and what came after. It all started with Apocalypse but the man I married died the day over ninety percent of us were essentially killed.”

“Hearin’ about what happened with the Inhumans with the Terrigen … I keep thinkin’ he went so hard because everything leadin’ up to it reminded him o’ the lead up to Utopia, and then how we were all dyin’ it … god it must o’ been worse than M-day for him.” Thinking about Scott hurt. It ripped him up. Logan swallowed and shook his head, “I was wrong.”

Jean looked at the man next to her and for the first time she thought she could see a hint of his real age. The way his shoulders slouched, the look in his eyes and the set of jaw. It gave her a moment of pause but it did not stop her from asking the real question. “Why, Logan? Explain to me how the two men I knew switched roles so completely. I had come to expect you to be ready to throw all we have at a threat but you didn’t. You were _furious_ just at the idea of it. And my overprotective husband apparently just decided that all the things Xavier did were for a reason after all. How did that happen?”

“Some o’ it was Frost but mostly I think it was the heartbreak.” Logan closed his eyes a moment and then looked back at her, “M-day, the way they flushed us out, forced us out o’ our home, sent us runnin’. We left the world, we tried to make our own place again, and again it just … it all fell to pieces, rose petals turned to ashes on our tongues.” His throat worked as he tried to find the words. “Seein’ him change like that it … it drove me into a rage. I couldn’t stand it Jeanie, couldn’t look at him without bein’ filled with raw anger. I had to go, had to get away from him and Frost. I needed to believe that there was a way to live without havin’ to be what _he’d_ tried to make me.”

“He. Romulus. Yes, I’ve heard about that as well. Your son thinks of him quite a lot.” Jean sighed and then crossed her arms, “So Scott became bitter and willing to burn it all down because everyone expected answers to questions no one could be expected to resolve. And you turned into a school teacher because the man in the shadows couldn’t get what he wanted. This would make a lovely drama book. A tragic love story.”

“The love story died with you Jean.” Logan’s heart was heavy. Part of him knew this was the moment he was supposed to reach for her, to lean in and offer her comfort, but he didn’t. It had always been a forced farce. When Jeanie died she had still been deeply in love with her husband, who was alive now, and maybe they would get back together, and maybe they would not. All Logan knew was that he was done being the other man. He wasn’t who she wanted and he was tired of trying to convince them both otherwise. 

“Oh Logan, aren’t you getting too old for this game?”

He frowned in confusion. “Yeah, hence the part where I didn’t try to kiss you. Tired o’ bein’ slapped or second best. You’re still in love with him. Scott was always a better man than I ever dreamed o’ bein’. I’m done beatin’ myself up over it.”

There was a deep sigh and then Jean stepped closer, her hand reached up to stroke Logan’s cheek, “You have to stop lying, Logan. I’m a telepath. You know that I know it was never me who your heart skipped a beat for.”

“Was always you.” Logan leaned into her touch and looked into those big green eyes. “Red, it was always you.”

“It never was.” Kissing Logan’s forehead she smiled at him and then said softly, “It was always Scott.”

“That’s …” Logan shook his head, “You had your joke. Gotta forgive me for bein’ a tough crowd.”

“You stubborn man.” She pushed at Logan’s chest and frowned at him, “Stop making this so difficult, Logan! You think I enjoy having other people want the man I love? No. I hate it. Of course I hate it but what was between Scott and I died a long time ago. It was supposed to be forever but forever didn’t last and it will never come back. I’m not a fool. And you aren’t one either.”

“So you’re sayin’ I should kiss you now Red?” One brow rose incredulously. Logan was not an idiot. He was actually quite good with women, and he knew she didn’t actually want to kiss him, but he didn’t want to give in and admit to what she was trying to get him to say. 

“I could kick you in the butt right now.” Jean sighed and then just hugged Logan. _[Admit it, you stubborn man. Admit it!]_

His arms went about her and Logan pushed his face into her hair. It was a comforting scent. Something Logan had missed for a very, very long time. Still she wanted more than a hug from him. Logan did not want to give in, did not want to admit another thing that he had failed at. And yet he could not deny her. Jean was right, in matters of the heart she was rarely wrong. Logan swallowed and shook his head. _[I’m good at pickin’ loves that hurt. Yariko, Mariko, Scott. All o’em have been nothin’ but pain.]_

_[You can’t compare Scott to them. He never had the chance to love you, not actively. And oh, once he loves it is all consuming. It is as if there is nothing in the world but the one person his heart belongs to. He isn’t them Logan.]_

_[I feel like I tried.]_ Logan frowned and his brow knit together. _[I wanted to try. He was so wound up with Frost. It was good to start, they were happy but it went sour and … and I … I don’t know Red.]_

“That is my fault.” Jean smiled bitterly and looked away. “I made him stay with her.”

“Why?” Though he thought it was a damn stupid idea Logan trusted Jean, and he remembered how Frost had been. Annoying but loyal and dedicated. There was a heart in that cold breast and at times it could be persuaded to beat in time to a cause worth supporting. 

“I died, Logan. I died and I … I saw the future. I was with the Phoenix and I saw the future. Scott turned away, he walked from the school – from everything. And the world fell apart because at the end of the day, Scott is the foundation of … everything. No Scott, no leader. Without someone to lead, without someone to carry the burden and do it gracefully, it just fell apart.”

“So you found a way to anchor him to the cause.” Logan nodded and sighed. “We’ve done worse in the name o’ Xavier’s dream. It didn’t sit right with me, how things started between them, but you saw it. They were happy for a time. They got us through some tough patches. It wasn’t built to last though.”

“Listen to us. We are speaking of the man we love but it sounds as if we are not speaking of a human being at all. The cause, the team, the mutant race. It is about absolutely everything but him as a person. It has been for as long as I’ve known Scott and yet we all feel surprised when he snaps, when he makes the call we don’t want. I wonder how long it had been since he felt human before his death.”

Logan let go of Jean and took several steps away from her. When he settled it was against the nearest tree. Logan looked out into the space between them, into the past, and saw clearly how he’d turned on Scott. _It wasn’t the leaving that was the worst of it. No, not at all._ Logan thought with shame. “I was so afraid Jeanie and it made a monster outta me.”

“Fear does that.” Jean sighed and drew her cardigan around herself. It was getting cool outside now. “It’s not your fault Logan. It isn’t his either. You always carry guilt with you for too long and it is part of why everything goes wrong so often. Let go. You did wrong. Do better.”

“I picked the Avengers over my own people.” Logan looked back to her, met her gaze, “I picked my shame and pride over my child. I picked false honor over my leader and the man I …” Logan shook his head and didn’t say the words out loud, “I was better off dead.”

“You picked fear of the Phoenix over trusting Scott’s instinct. You picked the fear of the unknown, of the possibility that your son might hurt your students, over giving him the chance to become a person. You picked your new found need to protect innocent children over a man who had stopped being the person you looked up to.” Jean stepped close again and reached out for him, running her fingers through his hair, “We are all better off dead but we aren’t, and unless you want to disappoint your son and your daughters, you can’t go dying.”

Though he wanted to withdraw and pretend this conversation had never happened Logan refused to shut her out, refused to fall back into the same patterns. Logan put his arms around Jeanand leaned into her touch. “I don’t know if I can do better. I want to. I’m trying. So far it feels like I’ve dug my own grave and now I’m in it, and up to my neck in my own shit.”

“So you start small. Get a bucket and start removing the shit because you aren’t getting out of the hole until it’s empty.” Jean looked at him seriously, “Your son is struggling to forgive but he is still here. Logan, he is still here and he really doesn’t have to be. He doesn’t need the X-Men, the school, any of this. It’s not like with the ones of us who just keep coming back. Daken is an independent, capable person. He is here because he wants to be.”

“He’s here because he loves his sisters and he can’t shake whatever’s goin’ on between him and Drake. I’ve got nothin’ to do with it.”

“Now you are being ridiculous. He can have Laura and Gabby even if he isn’t here. He could have Bobby without being here but the only time he got close to **you** in any way was by staying at the school.”

Logan swallowed and thought about it. He wasn’t as sure as Jean but he knew she was generally better at understanding people, the telepathy thing really gave her an unfair advantage, than him. He also knew that he had always had the wrong idea about Daken. “Things were goin’ good, it was eatin’ me up inside that he had the wrong idea about how things had happened with Romulus. So I … I told him the truth and he left. Bobby had to scrape him up out of New Mexico. Daken sees it all as a betrayal and I don’t know that he can ever forgive me.”

“For his sake, I think he will. Forgiving is an act of letting go. And heavens, your son needs to learn to let go.”

“He does. I want it for him, god I want it for him.” Logan shook his head, “There’s so much of Itsu in him. I wish … God I wish she could’ve raised him.”

“But she didn't, Logan. Your son was raised by a literal monster in human shape. And he still is who he is. You should be so proud of him.”

“That’s why I want so much better for him. He’s … Jeanie you’ve met him.” Logan licked his lips and shook his head just a little, “You touched his mind you saw, you saw it, and yet, look at him. He … my boy …” Tears streamed down his face, “God I love him. My child, the one good choice I made in my life and I threw it away Jeanie.”

“Do you love him enough to fight for him? Don't just answer. Think about it. Think about what it means to fight on a battlefield where your claws, your healing factor and your senses help you none. This is about fighting for his trust.”

There was a moment of silence but there was no real question about it. Logan nodded, “I do. Issue is this old wolf don’t know how.”

“Tell him.” Jean cocked her head, “Tell him you don’t know what you’re doing. That you’re trying to learn and to adjust to being a father. Be honest, don’t treat him like a child but also don’t forget that he is _your_ child. Daken is old enough to deal with the concept that a parent is still a human being. He will understand. And once you build that foundation … things will come to be naturally. It is _not_ that hard to become a family. We’ve all been doing it for years and years.”

“So I just tell him I’m incompetent, that I know I’m incompetent, and that I’m tryin’ to be less useless? Is that what you’re sayin’?”

“Yes. He’s an adult. I wouldn’t advise you to tell little Gabby something that honest and direct but Daken? He already knows. It’s important he learns that you are just aware as him.”

“I’ll try.” It was all he could do though he was far from sure it would be enough. Logan sighed and shook his head, “You’re aimin’ to make a good man outta me Red. Don’t know that it can be done.”

“You can’t _make_ a good man. No one can but I can encourage you to see yourself how I see you, Logan.” She chuckled softly, “I’m almost a little sad that it isn’t me you want.”

“Scott’s alive. He’s somewhere out there.” He cupped her face in one hand and looked up into those knowing eyes, “If I thought for even a moment you loved me even half as much as you loved him Jeanie -” His thumb moved rhythmically over her cheek as he spoke. Logan shook his head and smiled a bit, “You don’t though. It was never really me you wanted. S’pose it’s fair since it was never you for me either.”

It was clear that they needed to end this on a less serious and deeply conflicting note. Jean thought for a moment and then almost smirked as she said, “I was dead for years, I need to get laid.” She made a thoughtful sound and then asked, “Is Remy free?”

“I … the Swamp Rat? Red you gotta be kiddin’ me. No he and Rogue are … it’s complicated from what I been hearing.”

“When has that ever not been complicated? Honestly they need to stop.” Jean sighed and then shrugged, “Remy is attractive and … experienced. I'm not saying I want to date him.”

“If you talk to Rogue she’ll tell you Deadpool’s the guy to call if you want a lay.” Logan had to roll his eyes at that. “I think maybe you ought’ta talk to ‘Ro.”

Jean blinked and then her eyes went wide, “Ororo …” Her cheeks colored and for a moment Jean just looked like a perfectly normal young woman who had discovered something new about herself. “I … you and Ororo … are you still …?”

It was surprising to him that Jean was having a moment of self discovery. This was a woman who had been home to the force of death and rebirth entire, she was an insightful mind, and had turned away the Phoenix itself by sheer force of will. To stand here before her and witness her discovering this would have been humorous if his mood were not so deeply melancholy. “No, we aren’t. Might be she’s as lonely as you are.”

“Still so many things left to learn about. The world did change quite a bit and the X-Men have been as busy with dating tragedy as ever.” Jean chuckled, still flushed and looking quite curious and excited.

Logan stood on tiptoe and guided Jean’s head down so that he could hiss her brow. When he spoke his voice was husky but warm, “Head in Red. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Now you’re just encouraging naughty things.” Chuckling she kissed his cheek and then turned to walk towards the school. “Don't stay up forever.”

It was sweet and it made him glad he hadn’t gone back to Ororo’s bed after coming back to life. He loved her but he wasn’t in the right headspace to love anyone but his kids. Jean was good, she was ready, and Ororo deserved to have something like that if she wanted it. Logan stood there looking up at the starless sky and wondered, _Where are you Scott? Why haven’t you reached out? Are you trapped somewhere? Are you watching us? Do you remember it, being dead? I don’t, though maybe that’s cause I was only mostly gone._ Logan sighed and shook his head, heart heavy, “Where are you?”


	3. Clean cut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Follow up to the start of [The Devil you know - Chapter 49](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13361640/chapters/36676488))
> 
> Quentin tries his best to take care of Jimmy and for the most part he is doing a good job but there is an old demon which is rearing its head, smelling fresh air and opportunity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Additional Tags:** Implied/Referenced Eating Disorder, Fluff, Romance, Aftermath, Caretaking, Haircuts, Confessions
> 
> [Visit Finnlay's Tumblr](https://sniktice.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Visit Nausi's Tumblr](https://nausiwindstrider.tumblr.com/)

Jimmy knew that Scott Summers was coming well before he made it to the door. He started to struggle with sitting up again and found that while he still felt off balance he was able to get his body to obey, more or less. With motion came an increased awareness in general, which meant he was suddenly aware of how he smelled, and it turned his stomach. “Need … Quen I … I’m going to wear this. He reached down and pulled a sweater off the floor and started to pull it over his head. “Smells like you.”

“Uh, I think I've worn that for like a week straight … but if it makes you comfortable …” Quentin shrugged and then opened the door for Scott. The man smiled at him, handed the food over and then left again. Not quite what Quentin expected but welcome anyway. “Oh look, steak and mashed potatoes. This is why I like the guy.”

“Because he’s an amazing cook?” The sweater was a bit tight through the shoulders and chest, a lot tight actually. Jimmy had it on over his head and one arm and then just gave up and came over to sit down with the rest of the sweater scrunched up like some sort of weird turtleneck or shawl. “I figured it might have been because he lives by his word.”

“No, it's his fifteen years of experience in feeding hungry Snikts which I appreciate.” Quentin chuckled and handed a full plate over to Jimmy, “Eat and then we’ll handle the scent issue. I think I have a handful of ideas for that.”

“I got it handled.” Still Jimmy tucked right into the steak. There was no beer but he wasn’t about to be picky, not just then. In anycase, when the food was that good it almost didn’t matter. 

“So you _don't_ want to shower with me?” 

Jimmy stopped eating and turned to look at Quen, “No one mentioned dual showering. When did that become an option? How do I opt back in?”

A smile played on his lips then and Quentin said simply, “Finish your food and I'll let you join me in the shower.”

Rather than speak Jimmy just went back to eating. He didn’t rush, but he certainly wasn’t taking his time either. 

Quentin on the other hand was taking his time. Food was difficult enough without stuffing himself with it. By the time Jimmy was done, he had managed most of his mashed potatoes but barely touched the meat. Or the side of collard greens.

“You not hungry?” Jimmy eyed the steak on Quen’s plate.

“Have you looked at me? I don't have that much space to put all that food!” Quentin blushed and then huffed, “I'm not big on steak anyway. Yeah yeah, sue me - I'm a bad American.”

“If that's what it takes to be a good American then I more than make up for your lack. You want me to finish that up for you?”

With a smile he pushed the plate over and leaned back to nurse his drink instead. If one could survive on drinking stuff alone, Quentin would.

Jimmy kissed Quen’s hair and then hummed a little to himself. The motion of eating was soothing. Chewing, tasting, swallowing, all of it settled his nerves. Jimmy sighed contentedly and then took a deep breath, a whiff of something rank caught his nose and Jimmy made a short displeased sound.

“Shower. Now.” Quentin rose to his feet and took Jimmy's hand, tugging him into the tiny bathroom. The dishes all floated out of the way, dancing aside as though they actually wanted to get out of the way. Once there Quen started to pull on clothes.

“Careful!” The sweater made a sound of resistance as Quentin tugged on it. The thing was covering his face and pulling his left arm up at an odd angle.

“My clothes do _not_ fit you. Maybe I'll go wear some of your shirts just so you can wear them afterwards.”

Jimmy stood there for a moment feeling like a weird tree or light post and then shrugged, “Nothing I own you’d be caught dead in, that or it’d fall off of you. You’re tiny.” With that Jimmy wiggled and contorted himself till the sweater finally fell to the floor.

“I could wear your shirts like a dress -” Quentin said it, paused and then made a disgusted sound, “Yeah no. We’ll think of something else.”

“Coats maybe, or socks.” Jimmy let Quentin undress him. His arms still felt heavy, and after struggling with the sweater he felt oddly tired. 

“Sleeping in your bed and getting my scent all over your blankets too.” Quentin nodded and then made quick work of his own clothes as the water turned on, towels floated about and their clothes went into the hamper. “Come on, nice hot shower now.”

There was no effort made on Jimmy’s side to hide where his eyes went. He followed Quen with an easy smile on his face. The hot water flowed over him and Jimmy wondered why it was so familiar. He closed his eyes and tried not to think, tried only to smell Quentin. 

_[Focus on me. Nothing else matters. The world doesn’t exist, it’s just you and me and the hot water.]_ It was easy to draw Jimmy in and push the world aside. Quentin set into scrubbing that disgusting scent away which he knew was lingering, being inside Jimmy’s head meant a second hand experience of enhanced senses which was an odd thing he had to get used to at first. Now he liked it. As he went about scrubbing at tanned skin, he gave Jimmy the general impression that they were just standing together and enjoying a moment.

After a moment Jimmy relaxed, he felt safe with Quentin’s mind insulating him from whatever wanted him to remember. After a moment he asked in a soft voice, “What do you know about where I come from?”

“More than you expect.” Quentin licked his lips and then admitted, “I _might_ have poked around in the minds of the other people from your reality and while they couldn’t actively remember, their memories were still there. Mostly I am aware that you are not technically a Mutant like us and that everything was really, really shit over there for your kind.”

“It wasn’t all bad all of the time.” Jimmy took a deep breath. “There are things and people I’m going to miss, but I’ve gotta say, the set up here at the school is pretty sweet compared to what we were working with.”

“It’s pretty good compared to a lot of worlds.” Quentin said it casually while he continued to work the shampoo into that thick, golden hair.

“Have you seen a lot of different worlds?” It seemed like the right thing to ask, and Jimmy was far too tired to notice that this was indeed a very weird thing to ask. 

“More than you’d think.” Quentin shrugged, “I’ve had the Phoenix inside me twice. I looked. I’ve always been too curious for my own good.”

“You ever find anywhere better?” Jimmy tried to look at Quen but found that was just asking for soap in his eyes. 

“Better is so relative. I found a few places which were … less violent and dangerous to Mutants, sure, but were they better? I don’t know. That would take much more than a little glimpse to determine. I can tell you there are far worse places though.”

“Like where I’m from.” Jimmy leaned in and let the water rinse the shampoo from his hair. When he pushed his bangs away he said, “I need a haircut.”

“You are sporting that ridiculous Wolverine hairdo … it looks better on you than Logan though.”

“I’m not trying to. My hair just does that when it gets long. I wanna buzz it off. Too much work.”

“Genetics hu? That’s fascinating and improbable.” Quentin shook his head but then sighed, “Alright, I’ll cut it for you. Before I got rich, I did my own hair all the time.”

“Then why’s your hair so long now?” Jimmy reached out and pushed his fingers through Quen’s pastel pink locks. “It’s getting really long.”

“That’s called stress. I haven’t given a damn because I was busy worrying about my boyfriend who jumped out of my window naked after making out with me.”

“I stabbed you too, in the kidney.” Jimmy winced thinking about it. 

“I am nothing but a little ball of energy so just assuming I had bled out and _died_ , I would have simply come back. Would not even take me three years this time, I think. I know how to do it now.” Quentin shrugged and then grabbed for the shampoo again to handle his own hair.

“That … that might be better than a healing factor.” Jimmy reached up and started trying to help Quentin with his hair. 

“I think I am technically immortal but I don’t like mentioning that. It makes people treat me even more like I don’t belong. And I mean, yeah they are right. I don’t belong. I should technically have died when I did so many drugs it literally made my body give up on me.”

Jimmy went still and just looked at Quen for a moment, his expression sad. He tried to reach out with his mind, but he felt even more sluggish there. “No, if anyone doesn’t belong it’s me, I’m a left over and a freak. You’re beautiful Quen, the most beautiful person I ever met.”

“I love you too.” He said it easily before rinsing his hair. As he went through the motions, Quentin simply let that statement stand before adding, “Never call yourself a freak again. None of us are freaks. Not even a misplaced man-made Mutant like you.” Then he turned off the water. “Come on, let’s get you settled down and I’ll cut your hair before we go to bed.”

“If you teach me I can do yours too Queny.” Jimmy wasn’t sure what had just happened, why Quen had said those words, but he wasn’t about to go all twitter painted and weak kneed now. Not when it was very clear that Quen wanted to play it straight. It didn’t stop his thoughts, didn’t stop him thinking how he admired Quen, how he wanted to be near him always.

“I’m thinking of just letting it grow out. Your older brother rocks the mohawk far more successfully than me anyway.” With Jimmy settled down on the little stool he grabbed what he needed and started in on the work.

“How long were you thinking of letting it go?” Jimmy just sat there and let Quentin do what he would. All he cared about was getting the fluff out of his way. 

With a warm, soft smile he said, “Maybe I’ll try being Rapunzel but with gloriously pink hair.”

There was silence for a moment as Jimmy tried to imagine that. After a moment he spoke, “That would be a lot of work but it’d also be awesome. I’ll help you brush it.”

It made him laugh and shake his head, “Nah, I’ve never had long hair. I would use my crafting scissor to cut it all off over and over and over until my parents gave up. I don’t think I could handle it even now with my body being right. No need to test how much dysphoria I can still get.” 

Jimmy almost nodded and then went very, very still. Quentin was still cutting his hair. “Yeah, bad idea. Let me know when you need a trim.”

“I will.” For a few minutes they both were silent and then Quentin rubbed a towel through that newly short hair and smiled, “There we go, all nice and short now.”

Jimmy rubbed a hand over his head and smiled. “I’m gonna rinse off real fast, nothing worse than hairs in the bed. Maybe you could change the sheets?” With a smile Jimmy leaned in and gave Quentin a kiss on the cheek. 

“Yeah.” Nodding he grabbed a fluffy robe and then headed for the bedroom. It was easy to get the bed done while also setting out two bottles of water and lighting one of his favorite scented candles. A herbal, wooden scent that somehow always soothed him.

What Jimmy needed to do was quick. Quen hadn’t been silly and made him dress for the hair cut. So it was just jumping back into the shower, turning around, and watching the hair slide away. The water turned on for him, and he took a deep breath. There was an odd feeling in his chest, and he wondered why the water bothered him so much. _What don’t I remember?_ Jimmy licked his lips and then felt Quentin in his mind, gently soothing him. It didn’t surprise him that a towel was floating in mid air as he stepped out of the shower. Neither did it surprise him that when he stumbled the same towel was there, held out tight in front of him, to catch and steady him. As he caught his balance Jimmy looked in the mirror and saw how Quen had styled him. One length, a tight buzz, and Quen had left his sideburns over his cheeks but sheared them down as well. It would be an easy thing to keep up on. Clippers set to the lowest setting, and then a little bit of razor work over his lips, chin, and neck. Nothing he couldn’t manage in five minutes. 

“I had my hair like this before. People said I looked dangerous.” Jimmy came back into the room escorted by the towel.

“I know.” Quentin had settled down on the bed, sipping on another bottle of smoothie and still completely bare under the covers. “Figured you’d know how to maintain it so I picked it. Also, it looks really good on you.”

“You like me dangerous?” It didn’t bother him that Quentin knew. It was soothing even, refreshing not to have to tell someone, to just be known, to be able to share what had been in some way with someone he loved now. 

“Yes, I do.” Grinning he set the drink aside and then reached out to pull Jimmy into a kiss as he got into the bed. “I really like you in general.”

“That’s good.” Jimmy kissed Quentin’s chin and then nuzzled in, “Cause I like you too, a lot, the most. Some might even say it’s love.”

“Big word. Some might say that it’s a bit soon to break out the big words but luckily I don’t give a single fuck about what others think. Who came up with the idea that saying _I love you_ is such a huge deal that you should wait forever to do it anyway? Idiot!”

“Life is too short, even for balls of pink lemonade.” Jimmy nuzzled his cheek against Quen’s and smiled. 

“Exactly.” Cuddling close he put his head on Jimmy’s chest and sighed contently, “I’m gonna make sure you don’t get any nightmares tonight. It’s not healthy to do that often but I want you to rest.”

“Thanks Pinkie.” Jimmy hugged him a little tighter and made a pleased sound in his chest. “Need it. Feeling pretty weird still. Like I’m a piece of lemon rind wrapped around some rusty steel wool.”

“I know.” Making a face he kissed Jimmy’s cheek, “I’ve got you. Just close your eyes and let yourself relax …”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hey all, Nausi here!**  
>  It’s been a while since we did a bonus chapter. This one was important. Finn and I took a few runs at something like this and then it just clicked. I know we’ve made a few of you sweet readers Queny shippers. This one is for you.
> 
> We have another bonus chapter we might put out soon, and ideas for others. Be sure to let us know what you think, and don’t be shy about asking for things! We have a fairly high rate of making requests come true so far. Thank you again for reading.


End file.
